Miss Independent

Have you ever heard the song “Miss Independent”?

The songs talks about his  woman having her own thing and how she handles her business and don’t have to depend on him for anything. Although I love the song and beat, my prospective of the lyrics have changed a bit. I always dreamed to have my own of everything. With or without a man. My mother,grandmother and all the older women I knew told me the same thing “make your own money and don’t depend on a man for nothing”. So from the time I was 13 years old to about 30, that was law.

When I grew old enough to date I decided to go to the movies with this young man, I guess I was about 16 or so. When we got to the ticket booth he paid for himself and began walking towards the theatre. Lol so I followed assuming he had taking care of my fare, ecspecially since in the 90,s the average movie ticket was $5.

I had no money to pay for myself so my friend’s date paid for me. Once we entered in the movies he came over, sat next to me and had the nerve to place his arm around my shoulder. That was the moment that confirmed every word my mother and aunts always said about men. I vowed to never be in a satiation where I would ever depend on a man again.

About 7  years later, I got married and through I committed to serve and obey my husband.. In my heart I never vowed to leave” Miss independent” she was right there beside me just in cause it didn’t work out. Trust me, I love my husband and I believed in him to take good care of me.  The truth is my thinking was at the level of prior information (bad information).

My husband would go to open the door and I would open it first. ” I’m not handicap, I don’t need a man to open my door”. I don’t need no man to pay my bills. I’m a strong black woman! And I don’t want him to leave me dependent and lonely. Lol The spirit of fear was seriously on me. I had seen so many broken relationships in my life, church, and family. But God! He gave me God’s best BUT I was too blinded by fear to see his heart towards me.

My husband is so awesome. He takes great care of me and our children. I truly had nothing to fear. He proves his faithfulness to me and our family. But whatever you focus on will expand.  And when you haven’t surrendered your past fears, hurts, and negative events to God even your blessings can be sabotaged by poor thinking.

It took a long time for me to realized that that wasn’t the order of God. Builing a wall of protecting so that you won’t be hurt or disappointed can be a set up/distraction.

With stinking thinking, I had no expectations of ever depending totally on my husband. Ever! But God. I will trust the God in him and because the heart of the king is in the hand of the Lord, I know GOD has my back and moreover it would not be wise to worry.  One of my favorite scriptures reads take no thought for tomorrow, wouldn’t God feed the birds? So why should we worry about things that God has under control.  Wow! I’m excited and walk in freedom!  Glory to God!

Almost 2 years ago release the title “Miss Independent”and surrendered it to God and told God sorry for not trusting him. And now I trust and rely on the Man God blessed me with. ~Coach Kellie

Committed To The Reality

I have been married for 10 years now. Sometimes I wake up and think wow we are still together. lol.. Through all the obstacles and outside influences we have managed to maintain our love for one another. Inside your 4 wall is heaven on earth, however when you add the outside elements to a relationship, things can change. Things can change by simply walking to the mailbox. Things can change by receiving the wrong phone call.

My husband and I have made a pact not to let anything or anyone in the middle of us. I have had to cut off some folks and everything. Marrying the reality does not mean “settle for less” but it means to take the pressure off and give your spouse time to grow without judgment. Most of the time they know when they are wrong.. most of the time lol. I love how my husband has evolved into a very patience husband. Married to the reality means that the “Hollywood” version of marriage is not your point of reference but learning from our grandparents generation of true love and commitment. Which to them meant to death do us part.

[quote text_size=”small”]

Marrying the reality does not mean “settle for less” but it means to take the pressure off and give your spouse time to grow without judgment.

[/quote]

Have I been in situations to leave my husband? Absolutely I have, but I have hand selected folks in my life I seek advice and guidance from. I remember calling one of them saying ” I’m leaving Marty today” she said “ok… can you sleep on it and call me back in a few days?” I told her “sure”. 3 days later she called and I was like “girl I love that man!” lol so sometimes you have to talk to someone who has your best interest. I’m committed to the reality that I may not have what I want when I want it. And you know what? it’s ok.. it doesn’t mean he loves me less, it simply means I can’t have it right now. God is my provider not my husband. God is my source of happiness not my husband. So why put unnecessary pressure on your spouse? So I pray and ask God and in time I’ll have it. I am committed for life so therefore I am in no rush!

Kellie Thompson